dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
