i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
