i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
