Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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