just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
