Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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