i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
