just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
