The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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