True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
