I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The Olympian is in my bed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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