Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
