i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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