My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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