well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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