hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
