I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
