She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
