If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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