Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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