hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
