She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
