I think I won the penis lottery.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
