this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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