The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
