Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
