how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
