its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
