I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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