Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
