Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
