I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
