I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
