whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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