I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
