he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
