If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
