I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
