My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
