chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
