I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
