He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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