i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
