you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
