i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
