twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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