Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
