the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
