Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
