I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
