Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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