I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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