new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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