I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
